CHATEAUGAY LAKE STEAMBOAT GAZETTE CO.

Welcome, fellow seekers of the strange and mysterious! Today, I invite you to delve into the enigmatic depths of Chateaugay Lake, where a creature lurks in the murky waters, concealed from prying eyes. It’s a tale that will send shivers down your spine, a story of mythical proportions intertwined with the whimsical. So buckle up, my friends, as we embark on a journey into the realm of the Shatagee Woods, where reality and imagination merge in a way that only the depths of Chateaugay can reveal.

Let me introduce you to the elusive and little-known creature that resides beneath the lake’s surface: Berenice, the infamous Chateaugay Lake Monster. Now, before your curiosity consumes you, I must confess that Berenice is a figment of my imagination, a creation born of the ethereal recesses of my mind. But fear not, for in this whimsical tale, she will come to life in a manner befitting Northern Adirondack lore.

Berenice, or as she was known in the ancient Gaelic tongue, Berenice ackh la Bogga, is a cousin of the renowned Nessie of Loch Ness. However, as is often the case with sea serpents, they had a minor falling-out over a contentious debate regarding the superior topping for buttered scones: strawberry jam or orange marmalade. Berenice, being the connoisseur of flavors that she is, staunchly defended the superiority of strawberry jam, which led to a heated discussion on sea monster lineages. This, unfortunately, offended Nessie, who took great pride in her Scottish heritage. She muttered something about “Oh, THOSE sea serpents!” and the rift between them widened.

(Enter Nessie, clad in a waterproof Scottish kilt, and Berenice, draped in Welsh finery. They engage in an animated argument over the ideal topping for buttered scones.)

Nessie: Strawberry jam reigns supreme, I proclaim!
It enhances the scones’ flavor divine.

Berenice: Nay, orange marmalade brings more acclaim!
To that, I, Berenice, doth incline.

(Nessie and Berenice exchange glances of disapproval, showcasing their differing sea serpent perspectives.)

Nessie: Oh, ‘THOSE sea serpents’, she dares to say,
As if our lineage were naught but a jest!

Berenice: Yet Welsh blood runs through me, I convey,
With Cymru’s pride beating within my chest.

(They momentarily freeze, their animosity palpable, before resuming their heated discussion.)

However, as time passed, they managed to bury the hatchet, quite literally in the head of an unfortunate Irishman, and resumed their friendship. But Berenice had grown fond of her newfound home in Chateaugay Lake, and Nessie rarely ventured out of Loch Ness. Thus, their communication was limited to messages conveyed through the odd passing halibut and haddock, exchanging tales of their respective aquatic realms.

Berenice’s journey to Chateaugay Lake commenced centuries ago, when she followed in the wake of the legendary Cuchulainn’s boat, venturing westward to the ancient Mayan city of Chichen Itza. However, the tropical paradise of the Yucatan did not satiate her desire for colder fresh water. Yearning for a more frigid abode, she set her sights on the north, eventually finding solace in the embrace of Chateaugay Lake. The local Skraelings, the indigenous inhabitants, welcomed her with open arms after she valiantly defended their shores against drunken Norwegians who had carelessly desecrated their sacred land.

The tales of Berenice’s valor quickly spread through the Shatagee Woods, where the Wendigo spirits harmoniously whispered her praises. They dubbed her “She Who Shoved Tentacles Up The Asses Of The Yellow-Haired Invaders Who Were Cowardly Shits Running From A Perfectly Good Fight Anyway,” a rather lengthy title that was eventually shortened to “Burr ah Nyssa.” It was a name that Berenice cherished, for it bestowed upon her a sense of identity and belonging that she had never experienced before. The previous encounters with Irish and Scandinavian folk had only elicited panicked screams of “AAGH!” as they hurled spears and axes at her, chopping her tentacles in their frenzied attempts to escape. The Romans of Brittany, in their pragmatic manner, referred to her as Aquaticus Vendictus, a name that lacked the poetic charm she sought. But it was the Welsh who bestowed upon her the most colorful title of all: “Bonny Arckh Nachta Sa Nichxt,” which roughly translates to “That Damned Fucking Water Beast Who Eats Our Heads.” In a serendipitous twist, it sounded strikingly similar to Burr ah Nyssa, and thus, Berenice embraced it as her true name.

Now, my dear readers, you might be wondering what Berenice actually looks like. Alas, no one can provide a definitive answer. She is a creature shrouded in mystery, her appearance left to the realm of speculation and conjecture. The only consensus among those who have encountered her is the presence of numerous tentacles. Sharp teeth have been mentioned, as the Normans were keen to point out, along with her “armored coat.” The Mayans, who referred to her as “Atz Neg Weh” or “Go Away Now,” seemed to have conflated her with their deity, Kukulkan, the Feathered Serpent. But Berenice remains a creature of solitude, rarely drawing attention to herself.

In her secluded existence within Chateaugay Lake, Berenice finds solace in the simple offerings left by the Abenaki and Shatagee Woods Wendigos who still reside in the region. Bread and fish, tokens of appreciation, serve as a subtle acknowledgment of her presence. On the rare occasions when children catch a glimpse of her, their reactions range from awe to excitement. They refer to her as “Run” or “Cool,” with exclamations of “You Guys Gotta See This” filling the air.

So there you have it, the tale of Berenice, the shy and enigmatic sea monster of Chateaugay Lake. Immerse yourself in the realm of fantasy and myth, where the lines between reality and imagination blur. Let your mind wander through the depths of Chateaugay Lake, and perhaps, just perhaps, you might catch a fleeting glimpse of Berenice as she roams the waters in her timeless solitude.

Remember, dear readers, that sometimes the greatest wonders lie hidden beneath the surface, waiting for us to explore the realms of the unknown. And who knows, in the vastness of this world, there may be countless other creatures and mysteries awaiting our discovery. Until then, embrace the allure of the unseen, for in the shadows, the true essence of wonder resides.

May your adventures be filled with curiosity and imagination, and may the tales of Berenice and her counterparts continue to captivate our hearts and minds, as we navigate the ever-mysterious tapestry of existence.