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Brainardsville Examines Ten Seconds of Champ

Brainardsville considers viral Champ footage with admirable restraint, meaning everyone has already solved it differently. Scientists are invited; skeptics object; a Volvo enters evidence; and Lake Champlain seems unwilling to testify under oath.

Two people in a canoe rowing on a clear blue lake, surrounded by trees, with sunlight reflecting on the water surface.

Brainardsville is enjoying the Lake Champlain monster discussion, which has supplied us with several sciences and no wet feet. Ten seconds of the footage have gone viral. Richard Rossi and Kelly Tabor believe their drone has photographed Champ, and propose to have qualified persons examine the footage. We wish them success; it is agreeable to see somebody propose an examination before announcing the funeral of everybody else’s intelligence.

A group of four people intently watching a computer screen showing a boat on a clear blue lake. They are gathered around a desk with maps and stationery in a dimly lit room.

— Applications are invited from marine biologists, oceanographers, zoologists, and independent video experts. We understand the qualifications will require more than having watched ten seconds while waiting for toast. This may materially reduce the number of applicants. — One gentleman declares Champ does not exist, and therefore the picture cannot show him. Another finds it suspicious that persons making a documentary about Champ should have been looking where Champ is supposed to be. We shall accordingly advise berry pickers to try the hardware store, and expect fishermen to explain themselves whenever they return with fish. — The absence of ripples has already convicted the filmmakers in another quarter. We admit the water appears to have neglected an excellent opportunity to make itself useful. Still, we should like the original recording examined before Lake Champlain is charged with being an accomplice. A twelve-foot rowboat offers something to measure against; indignation, though plentiful, has no marked graduations.

A submerged car covered in algae and surrounded by fish, with sunlight filtering through the water above.

— A further observer identifies the object as a 1970 Volvo station wagon. We are pleased that somebody has considered transportation. If the verdict holds, we trust the scientific panel will inquire whether it starts, since a vehicle lying submerged for this length of time ought not to be advertised merely as having minor rust.

A man in a red plaid shirt sits at a table, sketching while looking at two screens; one shows a boat on water and the other displays a large underwater fish. The scene includes a map, binoculars, a cup of coffee, and a plate of toast.

— Others favor a sturgeon, or a catfish, having seen large specimens caught on television. We respect experience acquired indoors, especially during weather unsuitable for collecting it outside. The objection that Champ lacks a proper neck and sufficient fins is followed by the suggestion of a chupacabra. We cannot tell how this improves the inventory, but welcome the effort to keep a monster in the proceedings. — We congratulate the filmmakers upon asking for examination, and recommend that applicants bring patience along with their credentials. Whatever is under the water, we hope it can be identified without requiring every neighbor to be declared a fool. Meanwhile, boaters should mind their oars; if it proves to be the Volvo, nobody will want to strike a turn signal. BELZORAM

A vintage illustration depicting a man and a woman rowing in a small boat on a calm lake during sunset, surrounded by trees and mountains.

#LakeChamplain #Champ #BrainardsvilleNY #BelzoramBville #LakeMonster #DroneFootage #ScientificReview #VideoForensics #NorthCountry #Cryptozoology

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