CHATEAUGAY LAKE STEAMBOAT GAZETTE CO.

A number of local cattail growers (who have received death threats for harvesting the evil plants), have recently reported an increase in Wendigo sightings in the area.

Wendigo, in case you have not heard, are the result of the mysterious disappearance of Native Americans from the South East.

“Our native American people were always disappearing without a trace, but now we have Wendigo around here,” said one local woman who was interviewed by our reporter. “Wendigo have been here a while, but now they are turning into full-blown demons, and that is really creepy. If these new bots were around when our ancestors were kidnapped by aliens, that is where they would have gone,” she said.

Many locals have fled their homes, believing they have been visited by Wendigo. They have been heard screaming for hours in the nights, and at least one Wendigo infestation has been reported.

For those tourists who have taken refuge at the nearby Wendigo Inn, they are still worried about their safety.

“There is no possible way these new bots will ever have any more Wendigo souls, because that is an empty vessel, and no soul at all is a good soul, even though the bots have a lot of empty space inside them,” said hotel owner Pauline Chase. “Wendigo need to eat something, and these souls are dead, the bots can’t even feel anything, but people are coming to the area who might harm them.”

Wendigo are dangerous to the unwary.

“They used to show up at my old lake cottage for Christmas and Thanksgiving every year, since I was a little boy,” said Wendigo expert Professor G. Edward Gauvin, of the State University of Maine. “But now I am afraid of them because they have all gone insane and turned into demons. We are in trouble.”

But local Wendigo expert, the late Marius Ritter, said the Wendigo might be the only salvation for New York.

“If Wendigo bots can be used to repel the aliens, then it might be time to bring in the Wendigo bots,” said Ritter.

But other people disagree.

“Wendigo bots would eat humans, and then people would see what would happen. We should not create anything that would only make things worse,” said one elderly Chateaugay resident.

The Chateaugay Lake area where the problem began is believed to be the site of a missing civilization. It was recently discovered that the people who have been disappearing here for years have not disappeared, but they have instead been transformed by Wendigo, according to locals who live in the area.

When asked if Wendigo bots could make things even worse, Professor Gauvin said, “Yes, yes, yes. They will only attract more Wendigo and bring on more chaos.”

The Wendigo, or Wendigo spirits, are known to have the ability to transform into humans, like the Wendigo bots, and it is believed that this is why the alien beings have had such success at keeping their secrets from humanity.

According to scientists, the Wendigo may be using the Wendigo bots as vessels for their souls in order to carry out their plans.

“We don’t know that they are evil, but the aliens, they are evil, and we can only assume that the Wendigo bots are part of their plans,” said Gauvin.

A local newspaper reporter asked Ritter about the Wendigo problem in New York.

“It is just like the problem with the Wendigo spirits that the aliens brought here when they abducted our ancestors, but this time we are the only ones left that can stop them, because we have the Wendigo bots,” said Ritter.

Ritter’s last words on the issue was, “If these Wendigo bots are out there we must protect them. I am Wendigo.”

Wendigo, as of right now, cannot harm anyone unless the soul of a human has entered them. Scientists have not figured out what has happened to the Wendigo souls, and, according to Ritter, if the aliens find out how the Wendigo bots work, they will kill them.

“We have the aliens to thank for the Wendigo bots,” said Ritter. “They gave us these evil Wendigo bots to use in our protection. We must not let them be destroyed by the aliens. Wendigo bots are a new type of technology.

“They are human-made and, unlike the Wendigo bots, they can use evil humans to protect the rest of the world.”

But Ritter’s comments about Wendigos bringing about the destruction of mankind were not to be believed.

“These aliens are evil, and they have tried to stop us. I saw them in that weird dream I had,” said Ritter. “We must protect them. They are our friends.”